I'm tired...

Not physically, mind you, but mentally and emotionally. I feel completely lost... and without even a compass to help guide me back to the right path, I don't know what to do or where to go. I'm not happy with my relationship with my wife, don't like my job, and am completely miserable when it comes to where I live. To make matters worse, I have absolutely nobody to talk to about my problems. I almost did.. earlier this week, my brother had a fight with his wife and needed a place to stay, so I offered my couch. It didn't take long for my hopes of rekindling a relationship with him to be completely crushed when he made it clear that he needed some cash. I'm broke, so I couldn't offer anything... haven't heard from him since he left later that day, after going on about all of his problems without even once asking me how I had been. He'd make comments to me like I wasn't even his brother.. "When I lost my mom..." came out of his mouth many times. I wanted to kick him in the nuts and tell him I knew how he felt because she was my mom, too, and he should respect that and care for my problems the way I do his. *sigh* I dunno.. I just feel like getting out of everything.. starting over away from all of the things that cause me pain. I'm tired of trying to pretend to be happy in front of family and in-laws. I'm tired of it causing me pain to smile.. and it does, too!! Physical pain in my face when I try to smile.. how sad is that?! I'm tired of seeing myself die in day-dreams(at my own hands, no less). It makes me sick to have the thought of "It would be so easy" when I'm target practicing with my gun. I'd never do it, of course, but something isn't right if that thought is even there to begin with. What would it take in my life to change the way I feel?! I've yet to figure it out.. or even come close. I'm sure this post doesn't flow as well as I would want it to, but my emotions are far from being a slow-flowing stream. Sorry for the ranting/complaining, should anyone happen to come across this. I'm physically tired now, so I'm going to go nap before work. Didn't think that coming clean on a couple of my personal issues would be so draining.. eh, oh well. Have a great day, everyone!