Jason's Piece of the Internet Pie: 04.2006

Memories...

Mom and Me

With Mother's Day nearing.. I find myself wanting to be left alone more and more. Being alone is the only time I feel comfortable enough to express my feelings openly and this time of year, tons of feelings build up. Be it feelings of guilt, regret or even the warmer feelings when I think of all the good times I had with my mom.. they all stay bottled up until I get time to be by myself because no matter what feelings they are, they will inevitably lead to some sobbing with my face burried in a pillow.. and I prefer to be alone for that kind of thing. May 30th will mark the 4th anniversary of my mom's passing.. 4 years and I still find myself in situations where I want to pick up the phone and call to tell her about something that has happened or just talk to her when I need a someone to talk to.. for so many years, we were eachothers best friends.. the only one's there for eachother. I'll never have a relationship that will ever mean as much to me again.. nor will I have someone that I'll be able to open up to like I did with her. I wish, so badly, that things were different at the time of her passing.. I know that she knew I loved her and I knew she loved me.. It was hard for me to sleep the night that it happened.. I even had the feeling that I should go see her, as I knew she stayed up late.. but I didn't.. we had been at eachother's throats for a few weeks and had stopped talking almost completely.. I wish I'd had put that behind me and gave in to my sleeplessness instead of taking tylenol pm and going to sleep...

I miss you, Mom.. I love you.. I know you'll always be with me and I hope that I'll not let you down in my life. You were a great mother and I don't want your efforts and love to be for nothing.. if nothing else comes from my life, I want to at least know that I did the best I could with the many gifts that you gave me.. to make you proud.

With all the love in my heart,
Your Apple Dumplin' :)

Home Sweet Home...

Waterfront picture taken from Boulevard Park.

Picture of Boulevard Park.

A picture of Bellingham Bay at sunset.

Mt. Baker located approximately 50 miles outside of Bellingham.

Whatcom Falls park in the middle of town. Huge park, this is just part of it.

Same as above, but a different season.

Pictured above is the area of Bellingham, Washington. Sooner or later it is where I will be calling home, once again. I only lived there for about a year after I graduated high school, but that was long enough for it to change my thoughts of how life should be. Arkansas has nothing to offer when compared to such places.. I spend countless hours sitting in front of my computer now.. mainly because there is nothing to do here. I'm not saying that there aren't other places just like this one, but this is the one that grabbed me and hasn't let go since. Just thought I'd share it with anyone that would happen to come to my site. Enjoy and dream.. dream of getting away from Arkansas(or wherever you are) and being able to enjoy life to a fullness that you'll never be able to experience in a place where you're simply... not happy.

Origins of my name... kinda..

RAZIEL (Power):

Raziel is believed to be an 'angel of the secret regions and Chief of the Supreme Mysteries'.

There is a legend that Raziel is the author of a great book, 'wherein all celestial and Earthly knowledge is set down.' When the angel gave his tome to Adam, some envious angels stole it away and threw it in the ocean. After it had been recovered by the primordial angel/demon of the deep, Rahab, the book passed first to Enoch, who apparently claimed it as his own, then to Noah, who learned how to make his ark from it. Solomon, too, was thought to have possessed the book, which allowed him his unusual knowledge of magic and control over the demons.

The Zohar, the major work of Jewish mysticism, claims that set in the middle of Raziel's book there is secret writing 'explaining the fifteen hundred keys (to the mystery of the world), which were not revealed even to the angels.'

Other Jewish mystics report that 'each day the angel Raziel, standing on the mount of Horeb, proclaims the secrets of men to all mankind'

Keep in mind, when I first started searching for Raziel back in the mid-late 90's, I was looking for a character from a video game(Legacy of Kane, PSX) and happened upon the Archangel stuff. Not being religious, I didn't care much at first. Pictures and descriptions of him, at that time, indicated that his wings were a light/sky blue color... this being my favorite color, it made me curious. Once again, I'm not religious, so I didn't think too deeply about it being a sign or anything.. but couldn't deny the coincidence.. especially with descriptions like the one above, I mean, that IS me! So I decided to stick with the name. The 36 at the end of my name was a random number that I felt was easily typeable(since the game I was playing at the time, Acrophobia, already had a member named Raziel, I had to choose a variation). Since then, I use this name for all of my email accounts and any site memberships that I have.

Awesome site... everyone must go!

Click here and sign up to gain access to all of your favorite Cartoon Network/Adult Swim shows. Also available are torrents for just about any class of nerd out there. Mystery Science Theatre 3000/Comedy Central/MTV.. tons of animated television history and some just plain corney shit including the classic Godzilla movies!

If you've yet to dive into the world of BitTorrent, I would suggest that you go with an easy-to-use client, such as µTorrent, downloadable here.

Please note that any torrent site that I list on here will, more than likely, require you to share as much as you take. That doesn't mean that you have to have a stash of old movies/games to upload to the site's tracker, it just means that once you've finished downloading something, leave your client running so that other people can continue to download from you. If, after a week of downloading, your ratio(which will be shown by your name when you log in) drops to below .4, you will be subject to mass banning, unless you continually keep your clients turned on and seeding as much as possible. Read the FAQ pages for all sites before you get too involved so you know beforehand what is expected of you.